Have you hit a realization that you and your spouse may be growing apart? Do you feel a lack of connectedness and closeness? We saw this come into play in our relationship when life circumstances drastically changed and we had our daughter. Christy needed to focus on being a mom, and I began to focus on our business. But soon our separate paths led to our individual needs not being met and we felt stalled in our relationship. On today’s episode, we talk about some of our struggles, how we realized what was happening, what we did to change—and how you can too.
Highlights From Our Conversation
- [0:50] You are either growing together or growing apart
- [6:00] The grass will be green where you take care of it
- [10:45] Growth always comes in seasons
- [13:30] Utilize your network of mentors or people “who have been there”
- [18:00] Take small consistent steps towards change
- [23:35] Allow yourself personal growth in order to give to others
- [25:30] How to get back on track & resources we’ve found helpful
You’re either growing together or you’re growing apart
We found ourselves in a place where we had taken on needed roles, but let it go too far. Christy’s role as a mother overcame every part of her life. She couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without always thinking about our daughter. I was enveloped in work, and it seemed to follow me everywhere. We hit the realization that we were not happy. Instead of being close, we found ourselves drifting apart. We quickly decided that we were all in this marriage and that it was time to make some changes. Listen to this episode as we cover some of the huge steps we took to turn our marriage around.
The grass will be greener where you take care of it
So many people think that if they just get out of an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship, everything will be solved. That isn’t how it works. You have 100% of the responsibility for yourself in your relationship. If you aren’t happy, odds are that a lot of it is stemming from your own lack of personal growth. Another issue that is commonly brought up is that your wants and needs aren’t being met.
So what do you do if you don’t want to give up on your relationship?
Clarify your wants and your needs with each other. Acknowledge where you are. Then, find a way to prioritize each other. It’s really important not to place blame on each other, so take responsibility. Start with clarification and communication about your issues and while being completely honest. Listen on as we talk about what we did to nurture our relationship and how it impacted every part of our lives.
Seek wisdom and advice from those who have walked in your shoes
You aren’t the only ones who have ever been stalled in your relationship. Many couples have been there and many didn’t make it through—and got divorced. You’ve already established you want to stay committed. You’re taking steps to work on your relationship. So what else can you add to your arsenal of tools?
Reach out and seek mentorship from someone who you trust and can help you through the hard times. Utilize your network of close friends or seek out a marriage counselor. A huge thing I did was join a mastermind group. Whatever you decide to do as you work on your marriage, make sure you’re also committing to your personal development. Keep listening as we share more strategies we implemented.
Take small and consistent steps in the direction of change
We found that we let ourselves get lost in our daughter and in our business. We forgot to keep taking care of ourselves, and subsequently caring for each other. So focus on fixing and developing you. Read books, exercise, seek out mentors, change your peer group. Take small steps and be consistent. Fill your cup so that you can begin to fill others.
Then let those changes spill over into your relationship. Find ways to spend time together. If you do things separately, come together and share what you’ve learned. Go to seminars and learn together—we’ve found this to be helpful in our growth together. Remember, you have the freedom to leave your relationship and only you have the freedom and the power to change it and grow closer. Listen to the rest of the episode as we talk about more steps to get back on track and some helpful resources.
Resources & People Mentioned
Connect With Ramon and Christy
- Both On Board on Instagram: @BothOnBoard
- Ray’s Instagram – @OfficialRamonGonzalez
- Christy’s Instagram – @ChristyRisco
- Facebook – Ramon Gonzalez
- Facebook – Christy Risco