Positive communication begins with an awareness of your self-talk. We’ve interspersed a lot of information about how we communicate with ourselves and each other throughout our podcast. Today we will dive deep into the world of self-awareness when it comes to your inner communication. We’ll also talk about words we never allow ourselves to say, changing the language you use, and having a perspective of gratitude.

Highlights From Our Conversation

  • [0:48] Why the word ‘can’t’ limits your possibilities
  • [5:30] Switch “I have to do this” to “I get to do this”
  • [10:50] Self-Awareness: why do you feel like you should do something?
  • [12:20] The ‘what if’ game—in a positive way
  • [13:40]This is happening, what are we going to learn from this?
  • [15:00] Are you reacting or responding?
  • [18:30] Take responsibility for how you’re showing up
  • The words you use either limit you or empower you

There is an approach to communication called Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). The premise is that there is a connection between neurological processes, language, and behavioral patterns. The learned behaviors attached to these can be altered, or re-learned, to achieve whatever goal you’re working towards. Most people aren’t aware of the negative language they use towards themselves. We believe there is power in the words you use!

If you’re constantly telling yourself that you can’t do something or can’t achieve a goal, you are programming yourself to believe that negative self-talk. We do not say can’t to ourselves, each other, or our daughter. We don’t want to limit the possibilities of what we can accomplish by claiming that we can’t do it! Keep listening as we talk about re-framing the way you think.

I don’t have to do something—I get to do it

Often we are consumed by things we don’t want to do. Whether it be a work project, cleaning your home, or cooking, as examples. Maybe you’re tired and don’t want to cook. But you need to change your mindset. You don’t have to cook. Instead, you get to make a meal for your family because you have the money and means to be able to do so. That small shift in mindset changes everything! You need to be intentional with the words you use, both internally and externally.

Remove ‘I can’t’, ‘I have to’, and ‘I should’ from your vocabulary. How do you accomplish something you think you can’t? What do you get to do to support yourself or your family? Is something you think you should be doing really that important? Change the negativity into something positive you use to build up yourself and others. Keep listening as we talk about utilizing self-awareness, and what is driving your negative self-talk.

Play the ‘What if’ game—in a positive way

When you think about the what-ifs in life, you’re typically always focused on the negative questions, right? What if something goes wrong? What if I put all of my money into this investment, but lose it all? Do not play the game this way. You will only speak into existence all of the negativity and bad things that could happen.

Instead, remember that the universe has your back.

One of my favorite quotes is “life is happening for me, always, in all ways.” So ask yourself, what if I make this investment and grow our income? What if we move to a different neighborhood and have access to better schools? If you focus on what you can gain or what the positive impact could be—it could change everything.

Are you reacting to life circumstances, or responding to them?

The only thing you have power over when something happens to you is how you react. We aren’t naive, we do recognize that we do not have power over some things that will happen in life. But we choose not to label something as good or bad. Instead, we focus on what we can learn from it. We choose to respond to the situation instead of reacting to it. So what does that mean?

Do not let your problems use you. 

Reacting to any given situation is action without thought. Responding is taking a pause, thinking through possible reactions, and then choosing the best response for the situation. You are taking a situation of which you have no control over, and putting yourself back in control. Do not express emotion from fear! Listen to the rest of the episode as we talk about practicing gratitude, questions to ask yourself, and how communicating effectively starts with communicating positively with yourself.

Resources & People Mentioned

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